Russia’s “nesting doll” satellites are now operational anti-satellite weapons aimed at US government satellites, warns US Space Command.
High Jinks in the Heavenly Arena
Well now, gather ’round, folks, and let old Twain spin you a yarn about the latest folly cooked up by our clever species. It seems we’ve grown tired of merely kicking dust at each other down here on terra firma. General Stephen Whiting, a man of considerable stars on his shoulder, informs us the Russians are busy polishing up their ‘co-orbital ASAT weapons’ up yonder in the vast, inky blackness. As if earthly squabbles weren’t enough, we’ve decided to extend our neighborly disagreements to the heavens, proving once again that a man’s capacity for mischief knows no bounds, not even those involving gravity and common sense, which one would think might apply more strictly above the clouds.
The General, being a cautious sort, didn’t quite spell out the name of this celestial mischief-maker, but a body with half an ear to the ground knows he’s winking at Russia’s ‘Nivelir’ program. Picture this: four peculiar satellites, like cosmic eavesdroppers, are said to be dogging our own spy satellites, the NRO’s keen-eyed watchers, in low-Earth orbit. They’ve even got a charming trick, much like those wooden Matryoshka dolls my grandpappy used to bring back from the fair – an outer shell hiding smaller figures within. One can almost see the sly grin of the engineers, playing a celestial game of hide-and-seek with Uncle Sam’s hardware, though the stakes are considerably higher than a mere nickel bet.
The Cosmic Cat-and-Mouse Game
These aren’t your ordinary, polite satellites, mind you, merely circling and minding their own business. Oh no, the Nivelir clan, after reaching their celestial perch, commence a rather theatrical performance. They unburden themselves of smaller ‘ships,’ if you can call them that, which then scamper off to begin their own clandestine maneuvers. Here’s the kicker, the true mark of ingenuity in this grand cosmic charade: at least one of these miniature marvels, in a bold display back in 2020, lobbed a mystery object with considerable velocity. Our sharpest minds quickly deduced it wasn’t a misplaced picnic basket but rather a projectile, capable of giving another satellite a severe headache, or perhaps worse, a permanent nap up amongst the stars.
Our good folks at Ars, bless their inquiring hearts, have been charting these Russian ramblings for a spell. The first Nivelir, a rather timid pioneer, took to the skies way back in 2013, dipping its toes, so to speak, into the great cosmic ocean. But like a persistent shadow, they began sidling up to our own spy satellites in 2019, growing bolder with each passing year. Now, after all this fancy footwork and aerial acrobatics, our government officials have taken a solemn gulp of coffee and declared the Nivelir system to be ‘operational.’ It’s a grand word, ‘operational,’ suggesting a fully-fledged, ready-to-rumble contraption, armed with who-knows-what intentions.
A Grand, Pricey Game of “Gotcha!”
The latest of these Nivelir fellows was hurled skyward just last May from some place called Plesetsk Cosmodrome, way up in northern Russia. And here’s where human ‘intent,’ that pesky thing, truly shines. The launch was timed with the sort of breathtaking precision usually reserved for a Swiss watchmaker or a moonshiner outrunning the law. It was set for the exact moment when Earth’s rotation spun Plesetsk right under the orbital path of our NRO’s USA 338 Keyhole-class optical spy satellite. Such exquisite timing isn’t for pleasant greetings, no sir, it’s for something considerably more pointed and, dare I say, slightly less friendly than a handshake in a saloon.
General Whiting, the man who called this whole cosmic business to our attention, didn’t mince words when he spoke to the Center for Strategic and International Studies. He declared, plain as day, that ‘It’s evident Russia was deploying a space weapon there, and they’re putting it into an orbit where they can reach critical US national security satellites.’ He added, with a sigh one could almost hear, that ‘If you go back to some of those early launches of that system, the Russian nesting doll system, they were testing that.’ Now, ‘testing’ seems to have graduated to ‘taunting,’ and the General left no doubt that these actions were, in his informed opinion, nothing short of a ‘provocation.’
My friends, it makes an old man scratch his head, this business. Here we are, looking up at the vast, silent canvas of the stars, where once folks merely dreamed of angels and distant worlds, and now we’ve turned it into another backyard for earthly squabbles. We launch these marvelous machines, these miracles of human ingenuity, only to set them to playing a cosmic game of tag, or worse, a costly game of ‘you hit my satellite, I hit yours.’ It’s a grand testament to man’s boundless cleverness, but also to his equally boundless capacity for suspicion. One might hope that venturing into the heavens would elevate our spirits and broaden our perspective, pushing aside the pettiness that so often grips us down here. But alas, it seems the higher we climb, the more we bring our baggage along for the ride. The gap between who we pretend to be – enlightened explorers of the cosmos – and who we actually are – still squabbling over perceived slights and strategic advantages – remains a chasm as wide as the Mississippi. Humanity, bless its ambitious but stubborn heart, seems bound to project its follies onto every new frontier it conquers, whether it be a riverboat deck or the boundless void.
